Convos with my kids

Only being sick and having true time to yourself can really tell you what you want out of life and make you review over all of your previous decisions that got you to this point…and after a week of having some sort of virus that placed me in bed with no hope of even standing up, I had lots of time to think. It was heartbreaking to not see my kids but be able to hear them playing downstairs.  Once I started feeling better, I went down stairs and was so overwhelmed with all of the love my little ones had to share. Everyone wanted to feel my forehead to feel the fever or touch my stomach so they could feel the pain too and when I objected that they might get sick as well, one of my older girls told me that when they touched my forehead, they were taking away part of the sickness so that I could get back to them faster…As you can imagine, I could barely keep it together, but I fell apart when one of my kindergarteners pulled me down onto my knees, took my head in both of her hands and kissed my forehead- just like I do to my babies to put them to sleep or tell them that everything will be okay.

Strangely enough, I am really grateful for this last week because I had the chance to really see what I was doing from a removed perspective and I had the chance to let go of some things that were bothering me. Sometimes it’s hard to realize the impact you truly have on other people until you are put into a situation where it is just you. I keep looking over my notebook and the thing I keep coming back to is that it all comes down to being present. Volunteers have been here before me and volunteers will surely come to follow~ and that is so weird to think about. I have been here for two and a half months and yet I couldn’t stop thinking about which direction I want to take my life in after India. I was getting overwhelmed with all of the possibilities and the potential that I had in front of me. It took too long to remember that no matter where I am or what I am doing, I am still going to be me. Placing myself in a new place or with new people will only change my surroundings. Once I remembered that, it was easier to just let go of being anxious about what “step” comes after India. All of my plans stopped here, and I am really thankful for that because it lets me focus on what is happening right now. If I am not present for my girls with both the good and the bad, who would be?

I have been struggling a little at my site because of my expectations of others~ I was getting frustrated that some of the sisters spent hardly any time with the girls besides to scold or beat them. This was the same with the teachers that live on site. There are 8 other people who are supposed to work with the kids daily but I always found myself alone with 65 children. I was getting worn down in my patience not with the kids, but with the lack of support I had. Thank goodness I’m a theatre person cause I found myself improvising a lot. Once I stopped whining about this lack of support, I found that I became a better caretaker. Being forced to constantly think of new options boosted my creativity and gave me some really good ideas for working with a range of kids from 4 to 17. Although I was flustered with the supporting staff, I have noticed a lot of positive changes in the girls. Now that they have someone who is there for their every need and takes the responsibility, they have relaxed a lot and have been more disciplined. Although I may be wiped out by the end of everyday, I wouldn't have it any other way.

This last month since I last blogged has been packed full. While I think about which stories to write, here are some conversations with my kids:

Mami

Mami, 9^th grade.

“Miss, only my parents call me Mamatha when I am in trouble. Whenever you say it, I think I’ve done something wrong. Please call me Mami. All my friends call me Mami.” 

Baby is in the middle.

Stella, 7^th grade.

“Miss, call me Baby. My parents call me that and you’re like my second mom.”

Priya, 5^th grade.

“Miss why do all the other girls have nicknames? I want one”-P

“What nickname do you want?”-Me

“You have to give me one! You can’t just ask me.”-P

“But you asked me…”-Me

“Ugh Miss!”-P *overly dramatic 13 year old*

“Woah okay there Little Miss Sunshine…You know, actually, I like that”- Me

“Little Miss Sunshine?”-P

“Sunshine”- Me *doing a rainbow in front of my face like Spongebob’s “Imagination”(Now she responds to me just doing the movement, it’s awesome.)

Kavitha and Sangeetha

Sangeetha, 4^th grade

“Miss, because you helped me with science, I got the top mark in the class! Can you take tuition for us everyday?”

Likhita

Likitha, 3^rd grade

“I love you Miss.” (First time one of the kids told me they loved me :])

Maria, Akshata, and Aishwarya

Kindergarten kids

“We didn’t take your camera, promise!”

I wish that I had a running camera to record all everything. But, of course, once I pull a camera out all hell breaks loose and my eardrums start to bleed from the begging to have one photo, "I am, miss, one photo!" This month has been full of activity and while I wish I could tell all of it, I would be stuck at this computer for much too long. Therefore, I will just give little highlights: our kids found out that we love puppies…so in the course of a week we were introduced to 8 puppies. The stories with the puppies are endless, but my favorite is sneaking 5 puppies through my window at the convent to hide the fact that there were puppies in the room from the grumpy sister and having twenty kids in on the secret only to make leashes for them and parade them around outside. After two other puppies,  Holly and I got a puppy we could possibly keep. We named her Bella and snuggled with her all night only to realize we couldn't "grow" a puppy, take care of 100 children, and stay sane. So long, farewell to all of those dogs!  Pics posted below. The fathers must think I'm some animal nut because not even the day after we said goodbye to those puppies a young cat was chasing one of my girls in the refrectory and I caught it with my bare hands (impressive right?) and was taking it outside when it bit and scratched me. Once the fathers found out, I had to go get a rabies shot somewhere where the sun don't shine to make sure that I wouldn't contract some disease that the cat was carrying…and sure enough that leads up to the week I have been in bed. I think I just had some variation of the flu which I had never had before cause, you know, this is India, but the fathers have told me to stay away from the animals…probably for the best anyway! haha

Sorry this has been so short, about to go teach the kids some Christmas Carols because it's December and now no one can make fun of me for singing them as loudly as I can. Will try to record some of their angelic voices (I said that sarcastically because Holly and I want them to sing Feliz Navidad as a joke). Here are some pics of the puppies and Holly and I in our sarees for the first time!

Also, I made a youtube video for Faith Families at my old school St. Dominic's which shows a little bit about mornings here in Deodurga. You are welcome to watch it if you like at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sok1cFK77r8 (I was sick when filming so ignore the man voice haha). I will also be uploading more videos to youtube so you can keep up with them there :)

V

Anil on the right was dressed as Gandhi for an event and
put a piece of uncooked Chapati on his head :)